/../ Screw-ups...

After entering into the adult world, I'm slowly finding that mistakes can lead to serious consequences. Back in school, if we screw up on the test, we can always try harder next time to bring the mark up...or screwing up on a lab, I could always do it again. But in the working world, one mistake is like a chain reaction screwing up everything else that follows. So I went home on Friday really happy that I get to leave early, I totally forgot about taking observations of a test that I was running. I contemplated the whole weekend, trying to decide if I should go back to work to check on it...but I decided against it basing on the fact that work was too far to drive to and it should be ok. so when I came back on Monday...I realized that the weekends were the crucial days that I completely missed, leading to the test having inconclusive results. Maybe all the worrying was God trying to remind me that I should go check on the test...but I didn't due to my laziness. So today my boss tells ask me what he should do because the guy from the other department was asking him for answers. I was completely speechless, couldn't even come up with anything. Obviously, I'm pretty upset that this happened and I'm in this blaming myself mode about the whole situation. Back really deep down inside, I'm not really feel that horrible...is it because I no longer care for this job? But I'm also thinking, if I can't even be attentive to these small things, how can I really be qualified and move on to something with more responsibilities? Or I can think positively about the whole situation - a mistake is made, how can I fix it? But I don't have the knowledge to fix this problem...what should I do then? Maybe food science isn't where is should be. I'm slowly feeling that I'm failing in the world. The things I do every day doesn't interest me, nothing really provide that motivation to strive for excellence. I'm just doing everything half-heartedly. Where does my real passion lie? How do I find that out without having to risk the financial support that this job is providing? Sometimes I just wish that God would show me a glimpse for my future, so at least I can figure out how to get there...

/../ CC Fundraising Worship Concert

wow..talk about God answering prayers! Tonight was the CC Fundraising Worship Concert. We were all worried about not enough people showing up cuz we didn't get the word out there fast enough. There were about 80 people tonight, and most of the current CCFers. The night went extremely well. We had a great worship time with the CC worship band, and I think God put together an awesome band this year too! We took offering..and honestly i was not faithful enough to think that that we would raise a lot of money tonight. But God is just an amazing God! He really reminded me tonite of knowing the what and He'll take care of the how. We raised 2/3 of our target $3000, which was about $2200. I'm just completely blown away, and can't praise Him enough as of this moment! I'm sure that He'll provide the rest very easily and we will have received more money than we are targetting, which we can save for next year. Financial difficulties are so big to us, but money is just so small in God's eyes! He always provides as long as we ask fervently! This is such a great reminder to my family's fiancial situation too!

Praise God! He's absolutely AMAZING! Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers!

/../ Crossroads and sideroads...

after a year of being a "real" adult...man it's just so hard! i've worked for over a year now at the same job...now i understand why we need to find joy in our workplace...cuz it can so easily consume you and make you unhappy and bitter...God gave me the biggest revelation on Sunday before communion...i've become so self-centered and just so engulf in the fact that i'm not satisfy with this job that i've lost sight of my real purpose there. all i could think about is getting another job..cuz the other job might be better and it'll be more challenging to me in terms of my academics background. another job's gonna help me make more money because i'm just not paid enough for what i'm doing...

but God helped me remember that He put me at my job to let others know and show them who Jesus is. but when the time comes, it's just so hard to deal with the people here. why can't people just be geniune? why do they all seem so fake and just thinks of their own benefits? is this really how the world is? so lack of love and compassion? or maybe i'm just too self-absorbed, prideful and seeking for pity for my mundane work! God reminded me the other day...

"...suffering is temporal, but its rewards are eternal..."

whatever it is...big suffering and little suffering or just my own self-sacrifice, it's all worth it in the end if i have the mentality of doing this work for God. Lord, please help me to be mindful of this every second of the day...

hm...as I advance more into "adulthood"...my parents are coming to me to seek more advice. it's a very weird feeling, because i don't feel qualified at all to give them sound advice. also, when it comes to life decisions - something that potentially impact our family life, it becomes a joint decision - which i completely agree with. but reality is that life decisions are never backed up completely, as in, there will always be unanswered questions, uncalculated risks that involved...many time we can't turn back and reverse everything that's done...an extremely tough choice. sometimes, i feel that we'll just have to take that risk even if it's 50/50...if we don't decide then the opportunity will pass by and there might not be another one to come along. i think that my parents has the right to achieve anything that they want at this stage, where i'm working and can helpout financially with the family. if my dad wants to once again pursue something he missed and have sacrificed, then i think he has every right to go and pursue his dreams. but i guess it's not as easy of a decision as i put it cuz it requires him having to leave the family behind and face unpredicitable temptations...what do we do? how do we make this decision? i'm going crazy! i guess only God knows and He knows best...I pray that He will really show us the way, even if it's just the step before us, He'll make ever so clear that it's the step that we should take...pls pray for my family as God guides our future...

/../ Closure...

i found out something yesterday that i wanted to know for a long time but was too scare to know...cuz i wasn't sure if my heart is ready to take it. but not knowing all this time had really imposed some roadblocks in terms of moving forward in life. God has the most perfect timing. I think He had placed this situation in my life just at the right time because that was the issue i really need to overcome. and after knowing...it bothered me but it also give me closure and motivation to put my focus more on God and to trust Him even more with my future. that verse again..."For I know plans for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

Lord, I pray that you will teach me to trust you everyday, and to lay down my life for you each day so You can show me what you have instore for me. Teach me to be patient, and be sensitive to Your whispers. amen.

/../ Col 1: 15-23

15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

21Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. 22But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation?23if you continue in your
faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

for the past while...i've been struggling with "continuing in my faith". devots are almost non-existent...only talking to God here and there and when I need him...searching for my new calling in life. but it has come to a point where i will no longer whine about it. last year i spent the whole year whining about life, my excuse was that i'm transitioning. but i was just not motivated in my walk with God at all. so my motto for this year is "suck it up", adding on my church's vision for this year "striving for Godly excellence". so altogether..."suck it?up and strive for Godly excellence". i know it might sound funny, but this will surely keep me motivated.

in order to be established and firm...i would need to work on it myself, but a support system is very important. after graduating, i realized that it was this support system that kept me inline with God thruout school. i pray that all the a/ccfer's would be able to find their motivation to strive to be closer with God, and this support system to carry them thru.

what's your motto this year? what will you be doing to strive to be closer with God, to be established and firm?

something to think about.

mils

/../ Day 5 at Montreal...travel adventures - part 1

finally my training`s over...after 5 full days of learning about baking...i`ve baked many loaves of bread....and i think i`ve got the basics covered...haha...i`m just glad that it`s over...it`s been an exhausting week!

today...officially starts my travel adventures in Montreal...itinerary for today: Notre-Dome Basillica, Old-Montreal, China-town, and Planetarium...it`s freezing here today...-17 degrees...i think by today...i`ve got almost all of the subway system memorized...haha...

anyway...after my 15 min nap from training...i walked really fast to the subway station to try to get to Notre-Dome by the time it closed....got there just in time...this church is huge and amazing detailed inside...from the statues, to the design on the walls to the ceiling...absolutly amazing...i felt like i walked into a church in Europe...of course took many pictures and prayed a bit..it`s interesting to be praying in this atmosphere...very solemn and from looking at so many statues of Jesus hanging on the cross..there was a very strong reminder of my confession of sins and reconsiliation with other people and with God...then i found this chapel made of gold at the back..it`s just so neat!

then walked around old-montreal...taking pictures of the old architecture on the street...found the port...walked on stone roads...found this cool market place (when i went was just closing..boo)...but somehow...i found my way to take more pictures...walked on the small streets and guess what...i found china-town! it`s amazing...haha...just in time for dinner and my first bowl of pho noodles...after many nites of white food...this totally satisfy my cravings for nice chinese food...haha...i don`t eat pho often back in toronto...but this bowl was the best bowl of pho i`ve had in a long time...feels just like home!...i was so happy too...to be able to talk to people...in chinese here!! haha...i was so excited i took pictures with my food.

after dinner...found my way to the planetarium...which i had this overly-eduated movie about stars...i thought it would have been nice to learn about different constallations and such...but it was just TOO educational...haha...talking about how stars are formed...histroy and such....zzzzz....i felt asleep here and there...haha...

hm...if i had a choice...travelling with a friend would have been real nice...travelling by myself is kinda lonely...yeah..i got to see everything that i wanted...but if i didn`t have smap travelling with me...i would have been really bored walking around by myself...i guess can`t complain too much when taking advantage of a business trip right!

tomorrow i actually get to travel when there`s light outside...it`ll definitely be much better for pictures...can`t wait to get home.

ja ne!

/../ Day 3 at Montreal...mil`s artsy adventure...

haha...yes...today i`ve attempt to be an artsy wanna-be...i figured that since i`m in Montreal and they`re big on museums and art centers...might as well give it a try...so this show ¨ANGELs - O Vertigo¨seems to be showing just for these few days...so i gave it a try...haha

i spent all day baking bread...i think we`re running out of things to talk about with my instructor and my other co-worker...haha..there seems to be lots of awkward silence turning into silence that are getting comfortable...i guess that`s a good thing in a way...anyway...after my training i did some homework and took a quick nap...dressed really warm and ventured into the cold...it`s -17 here...crazy cold...i got downtown...man...their stores all close at 6pm...so didn`t make it for much shopping but walked thru the underground passage way and found: a government building to get passports...a convention center...the gate to china town...a sushi shop which i thought was a resturant...a clothing store that tried the upsale all the brand name clothes...but i did get something cheap and nice...hehe...then to a cafe style restaurant...where i ordered a cranberry and vodka cocktail and salmon while reading my notes under the candle light...haha...very romantic...by myself...but quite an artsy thing to do i guess...to drink and work at the same time..haha...i think i drank too fast...cuz by the middle of my dinner i started to feel tipsy and by the end...i was laughing to myself walking out of the restaurant...hahaha...it was pretty funny...

so i got into the theatre...it was very small and i can see the dancers pretty quite clearly...the basis of this O Vertigo series to ¨draw closer to the epicenter of human beings, the understand the ver essence of their complexity and duality¨...it`s quite interesting cuz it`s something i`ve never experience...it`s probably something i`ll just flip thru if it shows in tv...but these dancers are amazing flexible and very good with expressing themselves with their bodies...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT`S GOING ON THRUOUT THE WHOLE SHOW!

but here`s my attempt to explain to you what i saw...so the title is ANGELs...i`m guessing that they`re showing the process from the death of humans to becoming angels...the show started with people wearing dark clothes symbolizing their sins that they still have and the ugliness inside them that they`re desparately trying to get ride of...slowly they are turning into angels from changing the colour of their clothes to white with clear sleeves resembling wings...learning the steps of how to be an angel...and going thru a painful process to finally having grown their wings to becoming a full angel...there`s also this scene of a guy in black who was an fallen angel and trying to get back but can`t...it`s pretty neat...but maybe next time i should resort to something with narration or dialogue instead...haha...regardless it was fun!

more advantures to come...ja mata!